Healing Wounds.

What a long long day today have been. A long, tiring and rough day, yet also a day that has made me stronger and more powerful.

The first stab:
Today at work, we kind of screwed up by lying the key around, and the officer came and deliberately took the key away. and declared his hostility on us, intending to give us extras as punishment. I have really no qualms about his anger, because its the second time that this incident has happened. But i only wished he would look deeper into the matter and find out the source of the problem, instead of just giving a general and superficial solution like punishing us. Extra work on weekends are okay, im totally fine with it. Its the missing of service that im concerned with, especially with the month of dec arriving. I really hope that i get my christmas weekend free.

The second stab on the same spot:
I was really disturbed by the entire issue, because i normally dont get into trouble at all. Since primary school, i've always tried to keep my slate clean, making sure i dont get myself any unnecessary scoldings. But in this short span of a few months, it has been a turbulent journey for me. I was hence, rather upset with myself for getting into trouble again, and i brought this negative attitude to bff meeting. Unexpectedly, things didnt turn out much better during the meeting. The event was only 2 days away, and i had completely no knowledge that the entire order of events was restructured. Being part of the organising team, i was firstly, shocked that the information that the order of events was revamped was not dissemminated out accurately. Secondly, i felt really guilty for not probing and updating myself on any new changes to the event. Furthermore, one entire segment of the games was taken out; the segment that was supposedly to be hosted by me. Not only had i gotten most of the materials i needed ready, i even had my script written typed out! I saw this golden opportunity given to me as a chance to grow, to rise up in my confidence, and i put in the required effort to ensure success. Unfortunately, this segment was removed, and to think that i was still rehearsing and memorising my script minutes before the meeting! But perhaps the most painful was the indifference portrayed generally. But this is really uncool, and I shall not elaborate.

I immediately wrote in my itouch "God, give me strength", and through faith, i told myself, you probably are not ready for this yet. And deep down i know its true. I knew i wasnt 100% ready for it yet, but i was ready to stretch my faith and trust in god to carry me to my maximum potential. But i guess god knew this wasnt the right time yet. To be rather honest, one part of me was rather relieved that this responsibility was lifted off my shoulders, but the other part of me knew that this would have been a golden opportunity to test and stretch my faith. Nevertheless, i decided to believe that god has a greater plan for me, and this was not the time.

But the real reason that really inspired me and pulled me out of this valley was the presence of a sacrificial heart in each of the team members. All of them had such faith and confidence in the entire event, and they continually volunteered to provide for the event, especially huiyu, who was exceptional today. She volunteered to buy and fill the balloons, bring torchlight, whistle, buy the red dots, bring the people there and even volunteered to share what she felt first! Everything that we needed to do, she said she was willing to do it. And it was quite clear to me that she wasnt going to be able to bring the people there and get the balloons simultaneously, and in my heart i was like, huh. how is that going to be possible. But she said it with so much conviction that she could do it, it really touched me. Isnt this the very core foundation of christianity; doing the impossible through faith in christ who strengthens you, the exact and perfect mindset every christian should have? At a secondary one level, whether by pure luck or accident, she has displayed a tremendous amount of christlikeness, sacrificing to build god's house and believing in the impossible through faith in christ. And i dont think anyone else in the meeting noticed this moment of magnificent display of christlikeness, but i tell you, i see her childlike faith gleaming from within her, and if she can inspire me through her small yet selfless acts, i truly believe she will grow up to be a great person.

On a lighter note, i went out with joey for a somewhat dinner at tauhuay. Seems like its becoming a weekly thing that we go out together for dinner/supper on a weekday. Shared with him what i felt about many stuff, including different things about what different people said. I was quite glad that he understood how i felt when my segment was removed from the order of events. It made me feel alot happier. And a cooler thing that happened was that jianming called me on my hp!! I shared with him via sms about the stuff that happened today, and he called me to tell me about what i should do etc.
It was heartwarming. I feel really honored to be able to receive so much attention from him, and the best thing that happened was that he said next time if i had any problems or issues regarding life, he would very much want to hear my problems so that he can guide me as to what i should do and how i should face it. This sentence made me really touched, that such a busy person was actually concerned about my problems, and even wanted to share my problems anytime. Acts like these are like nitro to me; they boost my speed in this race for god.

A few weeks ago, i was telling myself how much i will miss john when hes not around. I will miss his presence. All his words of encouragement and life will no longer be there to lift me higher. But today, i see god's greater plan. The disappearance of john has brought about a whole new light in my life, jianming. I may have lost a row of guiding light in a single street, but i have received a dozen times more light in my life, which can fill an entire city. Every path i walk i shall see christ at the end, for ultimately he is the source of all light in the world. And with this, i once again praise the lord with all my heart, and i leave the outcome of every event in my life into his hands.